Why Goals Are Like Vacations

Goal setting is generally regarded as one of the key components in living a successful life. After all, if you're not clear about what you want, you're unlikely to get it! I agree that having goals is a good thing.

Most people don't set clear goals. And of those that do, many don't achieve them. There are as many reason for this apparent failure as there are people, but some of the most common include:

• Lack of time, or failure to organise time effectively
• Lack of energy
• Unrealistic expectations - trying to do too much too soon, followed by burnout
• The negative influence of others
• Old habits holding people back
• A self-image that isn't in alignment with what the person is trying to achieve
• Self-sabotage
• Lack of an action plan or failure to follow through on a plan
• Inappropriate goals that don't match the person's real interests and passions
• Giving up too soon

All these factors and more can be an issue. But there is one more that I think is much more damaging, and that is that for many people, the journey to the goal isn't fun. Many motivational writers who discuss goal setting encourage people to look at what is wrong with their lives, then to think about what they want, and where they want to be, and to use that vision of the ending place, complete with the new and improved self, as a motivator. And that can be effective, but as I see it, if you're not having fun along the way too, what's the point? Especially if you spend much more time getting there than you do enjoying the end result, as is commonly the case.

I think part of the problem is that we live in such a work-ethic-based, action-oriented society, where it's seen as necessary or even valuable to suffer a bit (or a lot) before you get what you want. Many writers stress that you'll have to work hard in order to achieve your goals - the old 'no pain no gain' silliness.

For a long time I bought into that mindset. I've been setting goals since I was a teenager, and always loved the process of dreaming big dreams and setting both lofty goals and smaller targets along the way. But I had mixed experiences when it came to actually implementing my plans. Sometimes I would maintain my initial motivation, and achieve my goal. This would lead to a sense of triumph, followed by a desire to move on to a new goal. This is normal (we are constantly evolving after all), but it was accompanied by a slight feeling of dread - I'd want to move on, but didn't really relish the 'struggle' phase that seemed to precede the achievement of each goal. In other cases I wouldn't come close to my goal, because I'd procrastinate and engage in other self-sabotaging behaviours, although I couldn't understand why at the time. After a while I became a bit disillusioned with the usual 'how to succeed' advice and the kind of mindset it seemed to be promoting. I never gave up on my goals, but I knew I didn't want to live my life endlessly striving, and experiencing only brief plateaus of satisfaction upon achieving a goal, which was quickly replaced by yet more striving. I also felt like I was living too much in the future, and not enough in the 'now'.

These days my view of goal setting is very different, and I'm once again happily setting and achieving goals, but without the struggle and self-sabotage. What changed? I simply realised that (1)I don't have to change myself or anything about my life in order to feel good now (so I'm no longer setting goals from a place of lack), and that (2)goals should be like vacations, where both the destination and the journey are enjoyable. I go on holiday to have fun, not to make money, or impress others, or prove myself in some way. It's all about the joy of the experience. And these days my goals are about the joy of the experience too, as well as about the joy of the destination. Which means each step along the way must be fun, and not a struggle.

So next time you're setting goals, or maybe feeling less than enthusiastic about your current plans, try asking yourself are your goals designed with fun in mind? Or are they more about trying to prove worthiness or 'improving' yourself, or coming from some other position of lack? It sometimes takes a while to get past all the conditioning we've all been exposed to, but when you remember that life really is about enjoying it, and you experience firsthand how much easier it is to manifest your goals when your focus is on having a great time on the journey towards them, you're unlikely to want to return to the old mindset. Remember - as Abraham says, 'you can't have a happy ending to an unhappy journey'!